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Couples

despair
The Telescope

Regrets can be healing or destructive

Regret can be your worst enemy or your best friend. You get to decide which. Whichever you decide, you live with it. You bear its consequences

A simple insensible choice can prove more tragic than death, not to mention the colossal amount of regret that you live to bear if ‘death’ does not happen.

Ah, regret. The forehead-slap of hindsight, the woeful fuel of country ballads, the self-recrimination that creeps into our lives all too stealthily. If you have ever made a bad decision or suffered an accident, regret has been your roommate, if not your conjoined twin.

It is a difficult companion, prone to accusatory comments and dark moods, and it changes you, leaving you, paradoxically, both tougher and more tender. You get to decide, however, whether your toughness will look like unreachable bitterness or unstoppable resilience; your tenderness the raw vulnerability of a never-healing wound, or a kindness so deep it heals every wound it touches.

Photo/Courtesy

Photo/Courtesy

Regret can be your worst enemy or your best friend. You get to decide which. Whichever you decide, you live with it. You bear its consequences.

There are at least two-time zones where you can choose to make regret’s powerful energy healing rather than destructive: the past and the future. Both can be transformed by what you decide to do right now, in this moment.

But such is hard for a close friend who recently lost his son to his three military-trained German Shepherds last month.

The couple had left for work as usual, leaving behind their two children, a girl, six, who had just closed school for the holidays and their son, one, under the care of their househelp.

As the day went by, their daughter decided to play with the dogs. This was something she had always done since she had become accustomed to them at a tender age. In the presence of her younger sibling she innocently let the dogs out of the kennel. At first they played with the small girl impishly as the small boy watched.

A little later the dogs crept towards the small boy and pouncing on him amid helpless cries from the sister.Although the past does not exist except as a memory, the stifling nature of events, unchangeable in animages incident such as this, makes it hard for the couple to fathom their story as faintly having a positive twist to a tragic regret.

But we take comfort, though fleetingly, in the warm, if belated, realisation that time heals more than the doctor. We may seem lost in the anguish of the moment but this, too, will pass. And the wounds of today will slowly, painfully, form the scars of tomorrow.

Ah, yes, the jagged edges of today’s tears will be smothered by time. And resilience. But the regret will be there though…

This article was published on April 18 2015 on People Daily Kenya http://bit.ly/1GTWmz6

Black-Family
The Telescope

Create moments with loved ones for death is final

I have seen couples live under the same roof but emotionally worlds apart, each absorbed in their work or dealings that they barely acknowledge one another

I cannot fathom the emotional devastation that gripped those who visited Chiromo mortuary to identify bodies of their kin following the recent terrorist attack on Garissa university that left more than 140 dead and scores missing.

It was a tragedy that sparked reactions of anger, pain and fear. We vented the feelings through the media, phone calls and protests.

We condemned the government for doing so little to save the innocent souls. We lashed at leaders for caring only for their security. We blamed Garissa residents for working in cahoot with Al Shabaab terror group. All these actions did not change the fact that we lost lives.11055257_983061218380443_4175383918597419458_o-710x434

May the innocent souls rest in peace.

Death is cruel. No one word can express the pain nor the agony shared.

The images that we saw on national television were heart-rending: A father wailing, wrenched in the hopelessness and helplessness of losing a loved one. Another narrating how she had invested in their daughter? Can it get worse?

Should death be the awakening call to cherish every moment with our loved ones.Should death trigger the deep sorrow and grief? Should we seek strength in warm memories? Memories that will seldom fill the void of a deep desperate need of the longing of all yesterdays?

Can we choose to be different in a modern world where many distractions burden our minds? Distractions that keep our minds away from what needs to be done or it will be burying the head in the sand?

Ours is a world where television, radio and even jobs get in the way of quality time with family and friends.

It is easy to ignore those around us who need our attention, affection and companionship.I have seen couples live under the same roof but emotionally worlds apart, each absorbed in her work or dealings that they barely acknowledge one another.

Children are l14276399eft at the mercies of house helps who could instil (im)morals that could impact on the young ones future.

We must learn to set aside time for our loved ones and to manage our time so as not to neglect the people and things that are important in our lives.

Enjoy the distractions but don’t let them be a hurdle or roadblock in life.Find time to spend with family and friends. Create time for yourself. Cherish every moment you can with those you love.

Life is a fragile affair, we are all dancing on the edge of a precipice a dizzy cliff so high we can not see the bottom.One by one we will all lose that we love most into the dark ravine.

This article was published on the April 11 2015  in People Daily Kenya http://bit.ly/1aQRQnF